Everything happens for a reason

My last post I said I needed to grow up and i needed to get my life together.
So i started.
I am working on going back to school and I got myself a job.
I'm being there more for my son and I'm not messing around anymore.
I'm finding my own apartment also. That part is more difficult then the others but I'm doing it. Its gonna happen.
I'm so happy and proud of myself that I'm always smiling.
I would love to have a boyfriend, but that's just gonna have to wait.
I don't NEED one, i just want one so I'm not alone in that way.
But its OK, nobody NEEDS that, its just a vulnerable thing.
I'm putting my foot out tho, If a guy comes and it just happens, then it happens.
I'm keeping my head held high and nobody can bring me down.
I'm stepping up and becoming more mature every day.

Keep your head up

Its time to grow up.
Its time to look ahead and ask myself, where am I going?
Because so far all of the questions that I ask myself, the answers are blank.
Im trying too hard to be inlove, that I got lost.
Im too worried about how I look and partying, that im loosing faith. But, im working on it. Im keeping my head up and im going to succeed no matter how long it takes. What I want to do in my life, im going to do it. And during the way if I meet a guy and we fall inlove then that's ok(:
Everything happens for a reason.

Trying to stay positive

my life feels like im walking through the woods alone. no where to go, no one in sight. dark and cold. which is the worst feeling that can even think of. I dont think i have ever been in this type of situation before. Im trying to make my life look so much more better then it is, and its hard. Its so hard to pretend that Im happy when im actually not. Its hard to look at the person in their eyes and tell them that your happy for them when your not. 
I deserve to be happy...
I dont deserve to be sad or hurting, i didnt do anything wrong to be feeling like this. But i guess thats life.
Im trying my hardest to be happy and stay positive.
But I guess its not working out so well.

Just another rant

So I decided that its probably a good idea if i put everything towards guys and relationships on hold... a long hold.

There is so much that i have to do with just me, that guys take up to much time, effort and tears. 

I need to go to school and start a carrier and its so hard to accomplish all of that with guys on my mind.

Guys are too complicated, they say women are? I call bullshit.

Guys think that its ok to kiss on a women and have sex with a women and tell that certain women, that they wanna be with YOU, and then go off to someone else and do the same. Once again, I call bullshit.

I have more respect then that, I mean don't get me wrong, i would LOVE to have sex with you, and kiss on you, and for you to tell me you wanna be with me. But if its not just me, then fuck you.

Every women deserves something so much more and so much better then a guy who treats her like dirt.

Like me, i deserves something more. But i should figure out myself before i go off and figure someone else out.

Take one step ahead and don't look back

My dad gave me some very good advice. 
He knows there is so much going on with my life, and there is so much that i have to do and i am getting all worked up and stressed about it.
He tells me "Katy, point to your left foot"
I say, "What?! Why?"
He says "Put out your left foot"
So i put out my left foot and he tells me that i just took a little step closer to my future.
He tells me "Little steps at a time, and there is no need to look back"
Makes a whole lot of sense to someone that has trouble n o t looking back.
But I'll try. I am trying. It may take a while but i'll do it.
<3

Short&Sweet

I always wonder who ill be in a few years, how ill act or how others around me will treat me. If itll be any different then they do now or if they'll treat me with respect. My life isnt as bad as most because i am surrounded by people that love me, which a lot of people dont have(: and for that i am greatful! Im not dwelling on the past or the future anymore. Too much stress, im living in the moment and the moment says your doing great!

Split Second

Today I saw my fiance for the first time in about 3 months.
Im pretty sure that was the 3RD happiest moment of my life.
1st- My sons birth
and 2nd- When he proposed.
When i saw him walking towards me, my heart skipped a beat and then stopped for a split second but which felt like a lifetime. I was shaking and hands were all clamey. I was wondering if he still looked at me the same, i was wondering in those 3 months that we were away if he was doubting us, or regretting anything.
In that split second, I was scared.
But then the split second was over and he hugged me, said he loved me, wiped his tears away and said lets get the hell outta here(:
Hahaa.
In that split second, i had doubt. But then i bounced back to reality and realized that this is for real.
This is gonna happen.
Lets go world<3